well I can't set my house on fire every night
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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