got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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