Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
