how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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