He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
