And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
