Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
