Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
