the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
