I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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