thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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