I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
