youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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