speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
God, I missed his penis.
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