apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Randomize
