I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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