so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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