I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
