I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
