I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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