when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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