I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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