Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
