filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
