I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
