were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
