come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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