Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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