no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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