the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize