Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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