my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
