yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
