i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
love makes seman taste better
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
