We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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