I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
