pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
