we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
