i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize