Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
