conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
