I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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