It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
