Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
