Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Houston, we have a blender
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
