We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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