so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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