I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
