I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize