Sponge bath it is.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
