I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
