Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she peed on how many people?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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