i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Is it because I queefed?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
