ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
