I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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