when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
