so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
