we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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