i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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