i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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