but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Do you remember whose house we're in?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
