whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
