we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
