Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
