I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I met the friendliest cop last night
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
God, I missed his penis.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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