dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
