I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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