Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
