we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
