i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
