It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
