She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
