When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
