were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
