WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
