the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
