Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
